Losing My Best Friend.

On September 21, 2009 I lost one of my best friends. Patricia Rogers (without a 'd' =] ) was involved in a head on collision just inside the Nephi Canyon on Thursday September 17th, which forced her into a coma. 4 days later, her parents had to make the final decision, and pull the plug. I was not able to see Tricia before the accident, or while she was in the hospital. I was mostly afraid of what I would see because I knew that it wouldn't have been the Tricia I knew. I went to her viewing and funeral later that week and oh boy... I don't know how I even survived.
At her viewing, they did an open casket, and I started hyperventilating before we even got into the church! The second I saw her though, I lost it. I couldn't be strong for her. Her mom hugged me and did what everyone does and told me how much she, Tricia, loved me. Knowing it was supposed to help, it made me more weak. I got a lot of tears out that night so I thought I was safe for the actual funeral. RIGHT.
It was even worse. I mean, I did walk in with my head held high, and thinking that I was going to be ok during it, but I was way off. I didn't start crying until right before the family came in, but that was still before anything had started. I bawled during the whole thing, and then after, when you just hug everybody you know, that was a hard thing for me too.
I'm getting to the point where I have accepted the fact that she is gone. I'm not, however, Ok with it. I still think it is unfair that out of all the people involved in the wreck, she was the only one that died. I'M NOT SAYING THAT SOMEONE ELSE SHOULD HAVE DIED TOO OR SOMEONE ELSE SHOULD HAVE TAKEN HER PLACE, But I just don't understand why it was her. I guess I'll never fully understand this. It is something I need to rely on the Lord for, but its going to be hard. I still don't think its fair, and I don't think I ever will come to that conclusion.
I know that she is with me all the time. She is the reason I wanna do better, I want to prove to her that I can be the best that I can be. I don't want her to see me fail.
I love you Tricia, with all my heart! Thanks for the amazing memories! They will stay in my heart forever =]